Dissatisfiers and Satisfiers

kw: musings, happiness, satisfaction, fulfillment

From time to time I read or hear (radio program) one or another "happiness expert". The article or program will typically include a list of things that do or do not promote happiness. Sometimes I take notes. Collating my notes, I have two composite lists of four items. Here they are, with my thoughts on each:

Things that we think will make us happy, but don't, the Dissatisfiers:

1. Money. You may have heard or read, "Money is the root of all evil." Is it a Bible verse? Not quite. The first phrase of 1 Timothy 6:10 is, "For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil". "Love of money" is one word in Greek, "philargyria", or literally, "love of the soul for silver". Note that this kind of love is A root, not The root, and that all kinds of evil, not all evils, are the result. We'll see why in a moment. I once had a dispute with a company executive who promoted "passion for profits". I declared that I had built my career on a passion for excellence, and that profits had always followed. His rejoinder was so double-tongued and self-blind that I was glad I already had an exit strategy! Money is useful, but it is a tool. Some say it can become an idol, but it isn't really. In this "modern" age, few believe in material idols, but people might make education, art, love (or lust), or religion an end in themselves, and thus a false god. Money can be a means to obtain one's idol. But its proper use is to secure one's life and comfort, and in anyone with a willing heart, money can be used to help others. Ask a billionaire, "Is it enough?" It is never enough if money is the goal. As a goal it promotes dissatisfaction.
2. Power. The Englishman Lord Acton is credited with saying, "Power tends to corrupt. Absolute power corrupts absolutely." As a lifelong observer of British monarchy in the reign of Victoria and her predecessors, he ought to know. But there is a corollary quote by David Brin, "…it's more true that power attracts the corruptible. The sane are usually attracted by other things than power." In my thirties I said to a supervisor that I was considering aiming for management (I was on a "tech track" at the time). He responded by making me the supervisor of two colleagues. I soon realized that it was all to easy to abuse power, and asked for an end to that experiment. Perhaps that makes me sane, by David Brin's standard, anyway! In the first three centuries of Christianity, nobody would be elevated to be an elder in a church (by a bishop or apostle) if he seemed to greatly desire eldership. Indeed, it was the usual practice to make a "test offer" of temporary eldership, and if the person accepted without protest, the post was temporary indeed, and not followed up with any further offers of responsibility. Augustine wrote that someone had to say, "I don't want it!" three times, on three occasions, before he was eligible to become an elder. "Abuse of power" is much talked about today. Genuine abuse of power is a great source of many evils. Indeed, it matters little how much money you have if someone with power doesn't permit you to use your money as you choose. Liberty is the appropriate power to make your own choices, but confers no right to make choices for anyone else.
3. Pleasure. Here I do not refer to all pleasure, but pleasure as an end to be sought, even by illicit means. Extreme pleasure-seeking leads to addiction. We are motivated by the pleasure/pain principle. However, it is one thing to take pleasure in good work, good relationships, and enjoyable activities, and quite another to seek pleasure to the detriment of others or of one's own well-being. Pleasure can become a false god. When chasing after pleasures disrupts someone's working life, or causes them to fail in school, or to neglect necessary relationships, it is no longer promoting satisfaction, but the opposite.
4. Fame. We all want to be well thought of. We can easily be drawn to wanting to be widely thought of: to have a large number of followers on Twitter or Instagram or whatever; to have the applause from large crowds and so forth. It can be addicting. I accompanied our son to a class camp, with a hundred or so pre-teens. One activity was a campfire. There were several acts and skits, and I sang them a song. They didn't just applaud, the boys cheered and the girls screamed like I was a rock star! I told my son later, "What a rush!! Now I know why rock stars do it." But I'm still glad that, working my way into a music career 50+ years ago, I changed direction and opted for a "day job." I am well enough regarded by the handful of people I really care about. More than that is unnecessary, and leads to dissatisfaction.

Things that lead to fulfillment and happiness, the Satisfiers:

1. Faith. He that believes only in himself has a fool for a god. We need God, a God who is greater than we are. I speak not of religion, which has to do with what we do. Faith is the belief itself and the object of that belief. Based on what we believe, we may do certain things, and thus be called "religious", but religion without faith is done for fame, and has no useful result. It is said that a faithful person is never entirely satisfied, because we so seldom live up to what we believe in. However, a certain holy yearning to do better is no detriment to the great satisfaction of serving a gracious God as well as we can.
2. Family. Not everyone has a congenial family. If your parents, siblings or other relatives are evil, perhaps it is best to gather a "family of choice." This would be your closest friends (see next item). But in most cases, we are happiest when we spend time with our spouse, children, parents, siblings, and others of our extended family. This is why most people choose to spend holidays with family.
3. Friendship. I knew a youngster during my Freshman year of college who had a huge family. His father had married four times: each of the first three wives had ten or more children and then died, and number four had just had a ninth child and was going strong. He had grandnephews and grandnieces older than he was. Perhaps he didn't need friends. The family farm had forty or more houses on the property, full of his relatives. The rest of us may have only three or four close relatives, or maybe ten or so, but we are built to relate to 100-150 people. We fill the gap with friends and acquaintances. I am not talking about "FaceBook friends" here. Some folks have several thousand of those, but they really have no more than a few dozen actual friends. We cannot be normal if we are entirely solitary.
4. Meaningful Work. I read a book titled Rivethead by Ben Hamper a long time ago. He was a riveter in an auto plant, attaching bumpers to trucks. Stultifying work. He and a couple of others got creative and invented a collective person they named Armand Hammer. By dividing up the work, they had time for other pursuits and a chance to "unwind" (and, I presume, Armand Hammer earned enough to support them all). But it has been truly said, "Love your job and you'll never 'work' a day in your life." I knew someone who strove to excel as a business executive. He was offered a promotion to executive vice president of his company. He was happy where he was, and he felt it was the best fit for him. He didn't think the promotion would be as good a fit, but felt he had to accept it. At the first meeting of the EVP's with the CEO, the CEO began the meeting by saying, "Gentlemen, we have all sold our souls for this." My friend stood and said, "I have not," and left. He resigned and pursued work in a different field, which he soon found was even more satisfying. For many, a job just puts food on the table and pays the rent; they are meaningfully occupied in their church, or volunteering, or carrying on a social hobby. Although just about everyone who writes about this uses the term "meaningful work", it may be better to call it "meaningful occupation" or even "vocation". A Vocation is a calling. When we have a calling we are typically the most satisfied. 

Looking at the second list, I would subsume the first and second points into the third. Firstly to be a Friend of God; secondly, to be a Friend to my family members (as much as that is possible); thirdly, to have Friends to whom I may not be related but who share a mutual love and respect. "A threefold cord is not easily broken" (Ecclesiasted 4:12b). These things lead to satisfaction. The things the foolish pursue lead to dissatisfaction.