Monday, December 08, 2008

No wonder they wear dark glasses

kw: book reviews, nonfiction, fashion, humor

Face it, if this guy had to look in the mirror without the shades on, he'd gag. That is the thesis of Daniel Billett, in Mistakes Men Make. As a sensible guy (just ask him), he looks all around him, and sees ample evidence that, no matter what our mothers told us, we weren't listening.

So he has produced a "Fashion 000001" manual for all those hopeless blokes who wear Speedos that are hard to find under the beer belly, or flowered shirts that make real flowers cringe, or mullets, or facial hair that a Chimp's own mother would bite right off his face, or bling that is meant to blind.

Wanna try on a Soul Spot just above your chin? Ty Pennington wears one sometimes. You got his looks? If so, go ahead. Otherwise, leave that idea somewhere West of the love beads you discarded twenty years ago (didn't you?).

You know who's going to read this book? All those guys that don't need it. Then their almost-best friends, who've peeked at a page here and there and said, "Oh, boy, John sure needs this!" will buy it for them, and hand it over in a colored bag from the dollar store saying, "Thought this might help." Then they'll go put on their Speedos and flip flops, load enough bling to half hide their man boobs, and go work on the wrong half of their tan.

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